Bani J took 10 years to return to Roadies after Bigg Boss: 'Was dealing with a lot of things'

In an exclusive interview, Bani J talks about her link up rumors with Baseer Ali, rivalry with Abhishek Malhan, and also being judged as a gang leader.

VJ-turned-model-turned-actor Bani Judge (Bani J) began her journey in reality TV in 2006 on MTV Roadies 4. Bani became the first runner-up in the season, gained immense popularity, and went on to host the show for several seasons. In 2016, Bani also participated in Bigg Boss 10. However, she says her experience on that show was so traumatic that she took a decade-long sabbatical from reality shows. Now, as Bani J returns to Roadies Rebirth as a gang leader, she talks to SCREEN about her new position, the process of the show, and also her traumatic Bigg Boss 10 experience.

Bani J on joining Roadies as a gang leader

After participating in the show in 2006, Bani J joined the reality show as a host, and now she has graduated to being a gang leader this season. Talking about how she has seen the show evolve in these years, Bani shared, "The quality of the contestants has just improved so much. I had distanced myself from the MTV Universe because I was focusing on my acting, so I had taken a step away from the reality space. When I came back this year as a gang leader, I was left speechless, I told Rannvijay that I couldn't believe the quality of the contestants that are coming. It's phenomenal. They are not just well-educated, but have full-fledged careers; we had doctors, Olympic athletes, I was really impressed."

Bani also spoke about the pressures of being a gang leader and if she felt the male gangleaders dominated over the female gangleaders inlcuding her and Neha Dhupia. She said, "The pressure most of us generate ourselves only. The competition started from day one. It really annoys me because I'm like, can't we just all get along? But it's so difficult to just get along. Neha does a good job of being able to give it back to the other gang leaders and take a stand. She's very good at that because she's been doing it for so many years, plus she's been with Nikhil and Prince also for so many years. So they have a lot of understanding. They at least have some sort of mutual respect going on for each other. Amongst the NewGs, we are just really grappling to understand each other. I'm learning as I'm going."

Bani J on her traumatic Bigg Boss 10 experience

10 years after Roadies, when Bani J joined Salman Khan-hosted Bigg Boss 10, many had expected to see her emerge as the winner. Unfortunately, on Bigg Boss too, Bani became the first runner-up; however, the Bigg Boss experience really left her scarred. Talking about her Bigg Boss journey, Bani said, "It was after Bigg Boss that I decided to take a break from reality shows. It was the longest reality show I've done, and it was so intense for me. It was not an easy journey. There must be people who enjoy doing such things. It was very isolating for me. You don't get support in the show from the other contestants, so you start feeling like I haven't come here to be alone for 110 days and cry every day. It took a huge emotional toll on me. I didn't work for almost a year after I did Big Boss. I just travelled and tried to connect, to come back to myself."

She added, "I was dealing with a lot of things that were happening in my personal life. My mother was really unwell. And then, I deactivated all my social media because it was too much. I got a lot of love after the show. A lot of people were ready for me to do a lot of work after that. But I didn't have the strength in me to keep working after that. I just needed a break to recalibrate. Every day I was questioning myself. This was not what I wanted in my life."

"I've had a big gap with reality TV; I've been off it for 10 years because I was just acting. So, the reality fandom, which comes especially from Big Boss or Roadies, has very high expectations after they've seen you perform in the shows. It happened to me when I did Big Boss. When I went on Bigg Boss, Salman sir also used to say, Bani people have expectations of you as a contestant in this show. I know that they had expectations of me because the last time I was on a reality show was when I was 18; I was a Roadie. After 10 years, I was on Big Boss; people need to understand that I've changed as a person. My expectations of myself were also very different. Now I'm coming to Roadies Rebirth after such a long time, and my goals in life and my priorities are very different. I want to be better than I was," Bani added.

Bani J on scrutiny around her opinions as a gang leader

Ever since Roadies Rebirth started, Bani J has been facing a lot of backlash on social media for her feedback to contestants. On a few occasions, Bani lost her cool at some male contestants and demanded that they walk out; internet users called her biased, a man-hater, etc. Reacting to this scrutiny, Bani J said, "Some things have been creative calls on the show. We are getting feedback from creative heads on what to say or ask. I wish I could go into detail about this, but I am not at liberty to talk about it. I wish I could because then my explanation would have been very good. All I can say is that all the gang leaders were very upset with what was happening in that room. We all read his form. There were very disturbing things that were written about his views that had to do with women. I wish we could publish his form because then everybody would understand why I said what I said, why the other gang leaders said what they said. But of course, they only highlighted my reaction."

Bani on her rivalry with Abhishek Malhan, link up rumors with Baseer Ali

On Roadies Rebirth, Abhishek Malhan and Bani J have had some major fights. While she and Abhishek Malhan have not been able to trust each other, Bani has developed a close friendship with Baseer Ali. Their off-screen chemistry has led many to speculate about an affair between Bani and Baseer. Talking about these rumors, Bani said, "My only reaction is that it's kind of sad. Now, if we spend time with anybody, they'll say this. We're on a journey together. We go to the gym also; Baseer and I like to work out. So you'll see stories of us hanging out together. It's only natural because nobody else is posting stories of hanging out off set. Nobody else is going to the gym. So we have stories of us together. We do have fun when we hang out."

Commenting on her rivalry with Abhishek Malhan, Bani added, "If somebody just comes up to you and disrespects you on day one and hour one of the auditions on a platform like Roadies, nobody will like that. You're sitting next to me as a gang leader; I can also answer. But I chose not to say anything back because I'm mature. I went and spoke to him off camera about this. And obviously, then he took a day to think about it, and then he came back and said sorry. I don't have the energy to hold a grudge or belittle somebody else and humiliate them. I feel like that's very petty. When you say something in anger, it hurts. I've forgiven him, but I've not forgotten it. And I'm just gonna watch his actions."